I like making little things on my own page. I tend to keep them hidden, because sometimes my programming is shoddy. But for the most part, I'm proud of the work I've done. At any rate, this section is one I use for writing blogs. Some will be visible. Some might disappear. But all of them are straight from the heart and mind of me...
...So go easy on me.
Posts & quotes are togglable by clicking...
Feb 6, 2015 -- On Transformation
"If you want to be happy, be."
I was going to wait for transformation Tuesday, but my friend Leslie recently posted about her changes, and it inspired me to evaluate my transformation sooner.
On the left is a picture I took last February, after losing my first 10 lbs of 2014. On the right is a picture from last night, one year later.
Yesterday, I weighed in at 202 lbs; at the beginning of 2014, I weighed ~245 lbs. I benched 250 lbs without realizing it, can do full sets of pull-ups and push-ups with ease, and haven't needed my inhaler again for a little while. In one year, I lost more than 40bs, and am stronger and healthier than I've been since I ran track at Texas A&M a decade ago.
You see, In late 2013, I was in the middle of a very critical, toxic relationship, and it made me dissatisfied with myself.
So I resolved to be a better man, all-around, for myself and my then-girlfriend! Physically, I decided to change my diet, workout habits, and general lifestyle. I began working with Collin over at @cosfit, who quickly became a great friend and has been incredibly encouraging!
Last summer, I was also diagnosed with bipolar, and began (and actively continue) treatment; I have changed so much about myself. Ultimately, none of this was enough for the girl I was with, and she left me. Along with that heartbreak, many other dark events took place that turned my world on its head...but I vowed that I would keep my resolve to better myself.
I have maintained my diet and fitness, and am incredibly pleased with the results. Nowadays, I am dating a wonderful, appreciative, and incredibly supportive woman, am healthier and happier than I've been in years, and have wild ambitions for what I want to do with my life.
I really am a transformed man; I found the old me again -- compassionate, happy, driven -- who I lost somewhere along the way.
This picture is only ~30 of the lbs I lost in a year. I wish I had a picture of the full scope, but I was so ashamed of myself that I didn't want pictures. But now I want a lot of new clothes so I can properly display my hard (physical) work! Haha
If the worst year of my life (2014) couldn't stop me from my goals of bettering myself, then I believe almost anyone can do it too. But in order to get there (or get help getting there), you have to want to help yourself.
Strive for greatness. Leave your comfort zone. Remove your distractions and shed yourself of all negative emotions toward yourself and others. Genuinely try to be better for yourself and your loved ones.
Change is an active effort; it will be difficult, it will hurt, and you will face obstacles. But overcoming a crucible only leaves you stronger in the end. It all starts with the desire for real change.
June 21, 2015 -- On True Love
"Love" has become such a disposable term. Falling in and out of love shouldn't be easy. And switching from love to hate should never truly be possible.
Real love should shake you to your core, both when you find it and when you lose it. It shouldn't ever be replaceable. Instead, that love will stay with you for all time... even if the person doesn't.
Real love makes people want to give more of their lives to another being, than to themselves. It should make people want to write poems, or sing songs, or dedicate their actions to the other person.
Real love should be natural, and come without demands or complications... save for the demand that we all have when we love someone: that we hope they love us in return.
Real love should hurt as much as it heals, because it's a double-edged sword. And you shouldn't be able to just choose who you love and who you don't; real love isn't a choice.
As Neruda once wrote:
Te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo;
Así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera..."
-- Pablo Neruda, 'No Te Amo' XVII
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way..."
-- Pablo Neruda, "I Do Not Love You" XVII
Because real love is both confusing and enlightening; it's both uplifting and debilitating. Real love is the single-most sought after commodity in human history, and it should NOT be so abundant that you can flippantly give it and then take it away. Manufactured love -- the kind people use casually to describe food, objects, or events -- subtly taints the purity of the mean of "love." But when you truly love someone, you care not what other people do with their false "love"; because you're too busy loving to be bothered with such trite details.
Real love should be unending.
And mine always has been.
Even after the ones I've loved have grown to hate me... I never stopped loving them. And I know that because (as twisted as it sounds), part of me still wants to give everything I have, and everything I am, to people who used to "love" me, but would now see me destroyed if they had the chance. Because real love is giving someone the power to destroy you... and hoping they don't... and if they do, then it never feels as easy the next time. But it is. Because it's love.
My 3:00 a.m. brain dump,